My Exclusive Interview With Mother Nature
TK: Hello, how are you feeling today
Mother Nature: Good, How about yourself?
TK: Ok aside from a persistant cough.
Mother Nature: Be honest, you jinks yourself into getting that cough.
TK: True. now lets get to the issue of why you are here, what’s up with all the weird whether?
Mother Nature: Umm I think it is spelled weather dumbass.
TK: Either way, Its April, its still cold, and we may get snow/sleet, what gives?
Mother Nature: Well, to put it concisely, I just want to mess with all your arrogant self absorbed heads.
TK: Why do you think humans are arrogant and self absorbed?
Mother Nature: Oh come on. All I hear every day is global warming is caused by humans, global climate change is occurring blah blah blah. I set the whole thing up with the 70 degree days in January so all the global warming people would jump up and down and say see see I told you so, then boom! I hit them with one of the coldest April’s across the country on record just to prove to all you people who is boss. I create the weather, not you people. And when I say “you people” I don’t mean it in a Ross Perot/Don Imus kind of way.
TK: So are you saying we should not be listening to Al Gore?
Mother Nature: Al Gore lost an election to a man of sub-normal intelligence when Gore had previously been the vice president for 8 years with a strong economy. Need I remind you that Gore and his wife Tipper where trying to blame the problems of America’s youth on Rock and Rap music in the early 90s. Why would anyone listen to that dull loser?
TK: I see you point. Well nature, you seem not to be a fan of Humans; if you have such animosity for the human race, then why do you allow as to exist?
Mother Nature: Plastic, I wanted plastic but could not figure out how to make it myself. So I created you guys to make it for me.
TK: umm… nature. I have to call you on that one, I believe your answer to my last question was stolen from a George Carlen bit.
Mother Nature: Even if I did plagiarize George Carlen, what are you going to do not let me write for the Boston Globe? I am Mother Nature remember not some hack like Mike Barnacle
TK: Back to the point, are you definitively saying that Green House Gases do not cause global warming?
Mother Nature: Of course green house gases can warm up a planet. Look what happened to that slut Venus. But I am pretty sure humans will eliminate themselves way before they create enough CO2 and the like to cause any real damage. The real big CO2 suppliers are all the farting cows you guys keep around to eat anyway. And like I said before, I could negate the whole global warming thing by another ice age. and for the record, technically we are still in an ice age because the poles are frozen, but whatever.
TK: We have come to the end, anything else you want to say?
Mother Nature: Buy the new Bright Eyes Album Cassadaga its really good and good luck to Drew Bledsoe who I heard retired this morning. He always seemed like a good guy to me.
Mother Nature: Good, How about yourself?
TK: Ok aside from a persistant cough.
Mother Nature: Be honest, you jinks yourself into getting that cough.
TK: True. now lets get to the issue of why you are here, what’s up with all the weird whether?
Mother Nature: Umm I think it is spelled weather dumbass.
TK: Either way, Its April, its still cold, and we may get snow/sleet, what gives?
Mother Nature: Well, to put it concisely, I just want to mess with all your arrogant self absorbed heads.
TK: Why do you think humans are arrogant and self absorbed?
Mother Nature: Oh come on. All I hear every day is global warming is caused by humans, global climate change is occurring blah blah blah. I set the whole thing up with the 70 degree days in January so all the global warming people would jump up and down and say see see I told you so, then boom! I hit them with one of the coldest April’s across the country on record just to prove to all you people who is boss. I create the weather, not you people. And when I say “you people” I don’t mean it in a Ross Perot/Don Imus kind of way.
TK: So are you saying we should not be listening to Al Gore?
Mother Nature: Al Gore lost an election to a man of sub-normal intelligence when Gore had previously been the vice president for 8 years with a strong economy. Need I remind you that Gore and his wife Tipper where trying to blame the problems of America’s youth on Rock and Rap music in the early 90s. Why would anyone listen to that dull loser?
TK: I see you point. Well nature, you seem not to be a fan of Humans; if you have such animosity for the human race, then why do you allow as to exist?
Mother Nature: Plastic, I wanted plastic but could not figure out how to make it myself. So I created you guys to make it for me.
TK: umm… nature. I have to call you on that one, I believe your answer to my last question was stolen from a George Carlen bit.
Mother Nature: Even if I did plagiarize George Carlen, what are you going to do not let me write for the Boston Globe? I am Mother Nature remember not some hack like Mike Barnacle
TK: Back to the point, are you definitively saying that Green House Gases do not cause global warming?
Mother Nature: Of course green house gases can warm up a planet. Look what happened to that slut Venus. But I am pretty sure humans will eliminate themselves way before they create enough CO2 and the like to cause any real damage. The real big CO2 suppliers are all the farting cows you guys keep around to eat anyway. And like I said before, I could negate the whole global warming thing by another ice age. and for the record, technically we are still in an ice age because the poles are frozen, but whatever.
TK: We have come to the end, anything else you want to say?
Mother Nature: Buy the new Bright Eyes Album Cassadaga its really good and good luck to Drew Bledsoe who I heard retired this morning. He always seemed like a good guy to me.
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