28 Predictions For 2008
1. Jacoby Ellsbury will win the Rookie of the Year award by hitting .335 and stealing 50 bases. It was also be revealed that he has impregnated half of the student populations of near by Fenway Colleges: Emmanuel, Simmons, and Wheelock.
2. The birth of all those children later in the year will allow the Fenway Colleges to legally declare their campuses Native American land and thus will build the State’s first Casino
3. Because of the on going writers strike, reality TV. will inundate the air waves even more then before. The number one new reality T.V. show will feature nightly boxing matches between, Mario Lopez, Dustin Diamond, Elizabeth Berkley, Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Lark Voorhies, Dennis Haskins, and Mark Paul Gosselaar. The name of the boxing show will be Saved By The Bell.
4. Sydney Crosby gives the NHL some good publicity when you scores a hat trick and gets 2 assists on New Years day Winter Classic outdoor game in Buffalo.
5. The best selling album of the year will be a cover album by Miley Cyrus doing American Hi Fi and Letters To Cleo songs.
6. In a related story, Stacy Jones will legally change his name to Stacy Jonas and join the Jonus Brothers.
7. Sylvester Stallone begins shooting new movie that he will write, direct, and dual-star in titled Rocky vs. Rambo.
8. Congressional hearings are held regarding the constant radio of play of the song Crank That Soulja Boy in 07 after the mainstream media finds out what Supersoak, Superman, and Robocop actual mean.
9. Teen Pregnancy numbers rise after Pregnant is declared the new pink. Pundints blame Jamie Lynn Spears and pregnancy themed movie like Knocked Up, Juno, and The Waitress for the phenomenon.
10. Due to the facts that his mix-tape releases don’t get the press coverage that they used to, Osama Bin Laden will recruit Lil Wayne as a guest rapper for his next one. Critics of the tape will say that D.J. Khaled’s beats are far superior to Bin Laden’s.
11. Ellen Page will win the Oscar for Best Actress for her performance in Juno
12. Because of the following value of the American dollar, free agents start flocking to the Toronto Blue Jays to get paid in Canadian money.
13. Jay Z signs with Live Nation.
14. Benazar Bhutto’s 19 year old son announces that he will not seek the Prime Minster nomination via his status update on FaceBook.
15. Ron Paul runs as an independent candidate for president.
16. As the probe into HGH/Steroid use in professional sports continues, it will be revealed that over half of NFL referees are on the Juice.
17. Dick Cheney announces that even after his term is over, he refuses to leave the underground bunker which he has been living in for the 8 years while running the country because natural sun light will cause him to burst into dust like.
18. Mike Huckabee will lose most of his support after it is revealed that he is not an actual person, but merely a long term method acting project by actor Gregory Itzin.
19. John McCain will get the Republican presidential nomination and will name Joe Lieberman his running mate. While McCain will get some independent voters in his camp, Evangelicals will stay home in droves on election day and the Libertarian wing of the Republican party votes for Ron Paul.
20. The New England Patriots beat the Dallas Cowboys in the highest rated Super Bowl in decades to complete their undefeated season. Many of The 72 Dolphins cry like Biatches. The Patriots eventually lose next year against the Buffalo Bills at a game played in Toronto where the Bills will play some of their home games next year. The Patriots play the game short many players who where unable to play because they forgot that you now need a passport to enter Canada.
21. Marilyn Devaney will seek to enact a proclamation to table the minutes of the prior Town Council meeting; when this is refused, the Curlers will fly.
22. Bon Jovi will play Fenway Park in the summer; The highlight of the show will be special guest Bill Belichick comes in to do a duet of I’ll Be There For You.
23. The Final Season of HBO’s The Wire will kick major ass, but will kick slightly less ass then Season 4 of the Wire.
24. After the Wire is over, there will be no T.V. shows left for me to watch.
25. Eric Mangini is fired after his team starts the season 0-6. He is also barred from eating at Artie’s restaurant for being a rat.
26. After keeping up with Clinton through the first few weeks of the campaign, Obama fades on Super Tuesday .
27. The Boston Celtics win their 17 NBA Championship in a 7 game series against the Spurs. Kevin Garnett makes the defensive play of the game as a Tony Parker shot looks to be the game winner until Garnett screams at the ball causing the ball to fear for its livelihood and change trajectory.
28. Hillary Clinton is elected as the 44th President of The United States. Before she gives her acceptance speech, she will let out a 20 minute Sideshow Bobesque cackle into the microphone.
2. The birth of all those children later in the year will allow the Fenway Colleges to legally declare their campuses Native American land and thus will build the State’s first Casino
3. Because of the on going writers strike, reality TV. will inundate the air waves even more then before. The number one new reality T.V. show will feature nightly boxing matches between, Mario Lopez, Dustin Diamond, Elizabeth Berkley, Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Lark Voorhies, Dennis Haskins, and Mark Paul Gosselaar. The name of the boxing show will be Saved By The Bell.
4. Sydney Crosby gives the NHL some good publicity when you scores a hat trick and gets 2 assists on New Years day Winter Classic outdoor game in Buffalo.
5. The best selling album of the year will be a cover album by Miley Cyrus doing American Hi Fi and Letters To Cleo songs.
6. In a related story, Stacy Jones will legally change his name to Stacy Jonas and join the Jonus Brothers.
7. Sylvester Stallone begins shooting new movie that he will write, direct, and dual-star in titled Rocky vs. Rambo.
8. Congressional hearings are held regarding the constant radio of play of the song Crank That Soulja Boy in 07 after the mainstream media finds out what Supersoak, Superman, and Robocop actual mean.
9. Teen Pregnancy numbers rise after Pregnant is declared the new pink. Pundints blame Jamie Lynn Spears and pregnancy themed movie like Knocked Up, Juno, and The Waitress for the phenomenon.
10. Due to the facts that his mix-tape releases don’t get the press coverage that they used to, Osama Bin Laden will recruit Lil Wayne as a guest rapper for his next one. Critics of the tape will say that D.J. Khaled’s beats are far superior to Bin Laden’s.
11. Ellen Page will win the Oscar for Best Actress for her performance in Juno
12. Because of the following value of the American dollar, free agents start flocking to the Toronto Blue Jays to get paid in Canadian money.
13. Jay Z signs with Live Nation.
14. Benazar Bhutto’s 19 year old son announces that he will not seek the Prime Minster nomination via his status update on FaceBook.
15. Ron Paul runs as an independent candidate for president.
16. As the probe into HGH/Steroid use in professional sports continues, it will be revealed that over half of NFL referees are on the Juice.
17. Dick Cheney announces that even after his term is over, he refuses to leave the underground bunker which he has been living in for the 8 years while running the country because natural sun light will cause him to burst into dust like.
18. Mike Huckabee will lose most of his support after it is revealed that he is not an actual person, but merely a long term method acting project by actor Gregory Itzin.
19. John McCain will get the Republican presidential nomination and will name Joe Lieberman his running mate. While McCain will get some independent voters in his camp, Evangelicals will stay home in droves on election day and the Libertarian wing of the Republican party votes for Ron Paul.
20. The New England Patriots beat the Dallas Cowboys in the highest rated Super Bowl in decades to complete their undefeated season. Many of The 72 Dolphins cry like Biatches. The Patriots eventually lose next year against the Buffalo Bills at a game played in Toronto where the Bills will play some of their home games next year. The Patriots play the game short many players who where unable to play because they forgot that you now need a passport to enter Canada.
21. Marilyn Devaney will seek to enact a proclamation to table the minutes of the prior Town Council meeting; when this is refused, the Curlers will fly.
22. Bon Jovi will play Fenway Park in the summer; The highlight of the show will be special guest Bill Belichick comes in to do a duet of I’ll Be There For You.
23. The Final Season of HBO’s The Wire will kick major ass, but will kick slightly less ass then Season 4 of the Wire.
24. After the Wire is over, there will be no T.V. shows left for me to watch.
25. Eric Mangini is fired after his team starts the season 0-6. He is also barred from eating at Artie’s restaurant for being a rat.
26. After keeping up with Clinton through the first few weeks of the campaign, Obama fades on Super Tuesday .
27. The Boston Celtics win their 17 NBA Championship in a 7 game series against the Spurs. Kevin Garnett makes the defensive play of the game as a Tony Parker shot looks to be the game winner until Garnett screams at the ball causing the ball to fear for its livelihood and change trajectory.
28. Hillary Clinton is elected as the 44th President of The United States. Before she gives her acceptance speech, she will let out a 20 minute Sideshow Bobesque cackle into the microphone.
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